Euro English

June 7, 2006

I have this habit of taking a print out of anything interesting I come across on the net. Maybe not a good idea because every nook and corner of my house is piled up with papers and books. There are so many paper clippings and articles to be pasted into the scrapbook. I am worried that once my 9-month old son starts walking, what will happen to all those pieces of paper?

I also have this habit of preserving newspapers and magazines which is of historical importance or which has my article/ letter in it. My prized possession, among other papers, is the one that my grandfather had of the Indian Express dated January 26, 1950.

But, in this blog, I want to share the contents of one the earliest e-mails I received a good decade back. It was mailed to me by a friend who is now in USA. I remember the joy of holding the printout of this mail. (Still in my collection, and the paper has turned yellowish).

The Mail
I thought you might find this article interesting.

The News Standard has received this bulletin fresh from our Brussels based News Service…

The European Union Commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as Euro English (Euro for short).

In the first year, “s” will be used instead of the soft “c”. Sertainly, sivil servants will reseive this news with joy. Also, the hard “c” will be replaced with ‘k”. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters and keyboards can have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced by “f”. This will make words like “fotograf” 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent “e”s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” by “z” and “w” by “v”.

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou”, and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After ze fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

11 Responses to “Euro English”

  1. Gangadhar Says:

    I am worried that once my 9-month old son starts walking, what will happen to all those pieces of paper?..ha ha..I’m facing it with my 3 year old son,RK.. But i like your habit..I had this kind of habit during my engineering days..
    Anyway..i liked ur style of writing…
    Btw you can add my link to ur blog…I’m honored…Thanks for visiting my blog..

  2. RK Says:

    Gangadhar: So I am not the only fellow who will face this problem! 😉
    Thanks for the compliments and for giving permission.
    Do visit again & keep blogging.

  3. Gangadhar Says:

    Thanks for linking my blog..
    And blogrolled you too…

  4. RK Says:

    Thanks for that. I think you are the first one to blogroll me ‘coz according to the BLOG SCHOOL, I am an 8-day old tiny tot!

  5. Srividhya Says:

    Hi Ramki,

    After all, A baby is a baby is a baby…..!!!!
    Dont worry maadkobedi.
    Cherish those moments with ur baby!!

  6. RK Says:

    Srividhya: Certainly, I do CHERISH. What if my collections PERISH? ;(

    (He has not even started walking, and he has torn 3 books into pieces.)

  7. Srik Says:

    Preserve everything in the form of soft copy. That is the only way to keep everything forever. This’ll help other e-bugged fellows like me tooooo 😉

  8. RK Says:

    Srik: Good idea. But I still have that old habit of having hard copies. Hale-kaaladavanappa naanu. Dont read it as Haale-kaaladavanu! 😉


  9. Dear Bellur,

    I just happened to read the “funny” story of your cork ball. Incidentally Padma Miss happens to be my relative , in that she is my chikkamma’s sister. I knew she was strict, but never that strict.

    I remember a couple of incidents relating to her. One is that when we were young, nearly 35-40 years back, my cousins used to come from Hubli to Bangalore to stay for a month and half during their summer holidays. So they first used to go to their ajji mane, which was padmas house. I too joined them and stayed a couple of days. Her mother used to prepare delicious food, and the taste of bisibele bath tht I have eaten in their house at that time, has never been equalled since.

    Second When my cousin got married, we went to Hubli his hometown, to join them. With Padma miss, a couple of my other cousins went to a kannada movie, “aparoopada atithigalu” , the flick was so bad and vulgar at times, we could not stay on, so we came out half way.
    Best wishes.
    TSSM

  10. rk Says:

    tssm,
    great to know that you are padma miss’ relative. how is she? would like to meet her. please convey my regards to her, if you call her sometime. tell her that “ramakrishna (who used to sing and draw all the time) is waiting to meet you”!
    cheers and best wishes


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