Is love really blind?

August 4, 2008

Design: RK

Scene 1:
Seventh decade of the 20th century- A young boy and a girl see each other at a function, fall in love, and their marriage is arranged by the elders. They lead a comfortable life, with two kids etc. etc.

Boy and girl are from the same caste. (Point to be noted)

Scene 2:
First decade of the millennium – A young boy and a girl see each other at the workplace, fall in love. And…

The girl’s parents make a lot of noise, and the poor thing says she will either marry the guy or remain unmarried for life. That is when her parents go to an elderly person and he says that “if married, the girl will repent for life”. So the girl sacrifices her love.

Boy and girl are from different castes. (Point to be noted)

Scene 3:
First decade of the millennium – A young boy and a girl see each other in a friend’s house and fall in love. The girl is hesitant to say it to her orthodox and traditional parents (whose marriage was arranged in the seventh decade of the 20th century). But surprisingly, once they come to know of it, they agree to the marriage.

Boy and girl are from different castes. (Point to be noted)

Irony is that, the parents in Scene 2, are the hero and heroine of Scene 1.

Now, to ask the obvious: Is love really blind? Does caste really matter?

Waiting to read what you feel.


16 Responses to “Is love really blind?”

  1. This is sad very parents who married out of love do not understand what love means when it comes to their children! Love knows no caste. I wish at least we educated folks could get out of this mindset.

  2. dinu Says:

    as far as I am concerned, yes love is blind 🙂

  3. Chitra Says:

    Had it been love, they wouldnt have sacrificed it. And most of the time, I have observed that it is an assc=ociation formed out of spending time together in the workplace, which is actually not love.

    and if she really has sacrificed her love, both girl and boy would not be able to give 100% in the new relation, if they decide to get married to someone from their caste.

  4. Ajay Says:

    For this above mentioned story,
    I would raise a few questions…
    WHAT IS CASTE?????
    I mean who invented or discovered caste?
    Does a human being of one caste vary from the other caste?

    Love has nothing to do with caste since caste is man made.

    The decision of those parents 9scene 2) is absolutely crap. To put it in simple words, “They are senseless!!”

  5. Manoj Says:

    Love is not dependent on humans.Humans are dependent on Love. Love has no caste. The decision of parents who loved and didn’t allow their daughter to marry the person she loved was wrong. Anyway most married couples will love each other after marriage. True Love will make an understanding before marriage.

    So Love & Let Love.

  6. Madhavan Says:

    IMHO love between man and woman, is nothing short of hypocrisy. It is often spontaneous and hence is most likely to be a bodily attraction, rather than “true” love.

    Thats the reason why in the olden days it was wrong for young boys and girls not mingle. They were supposed to wait for their parents to decide who is right for them.

    Yeah maybe, maybe a 0.01% of guys are capable of “true” love. For the rest it is just an excuse. If, for the sake of the very small minority, the largely conservative Indian society gives the license-to-love to its youth, then it will lead to a largely amoral society. Think about it.

    Running the risk of being thought of as weird, I would like to say, capacity for “true” love is what the Lord alone has. He is not in want of anything so His love is not perverted; every human’s love arises from attraction, to neediness to plain depravity.

    Boys and girls, beware. Life is wonderful, do not ruin it with so called “true” love, because frankly it does not exist in ‘this’ world.

    Sorry I digressed from the original topic.

  7. Ajay Says:

    Mr Madhavan, if there is no true love in the world, Your parents would have ditched you when u were born, but in turn they have brought you up giving all neccesary things in life. So thats TRUE LOVE and TRUE LOVE DOES EXIST: Note the point.

    Also note that All arranged marriages don’t work out!

  8. Sanjay M Says:

    Wrt caste, usually most of the lives even the most conservative people hardly bother about caste. At the most they follow some blind rituals on special occasions. But they never bother to find out who’s the founder of their caste and why he said whatever he said, what were his values that he lived by, (its usually a he, I don’t know how many women are founder of any caste!)

    But once the question of marriage for someone in the family comes up, it suddenly caste becomes a life or death issue 😀 The true reason if you look beneath all the drama, being that its not really a matter of caste, but merely one’s image in the society that really matters. “What will others say about our family?” All parents love their children in general, but for parents who truly love their children, this wouldn’t be much of an issue really.

    To Madhavan’s generic opinion, I dont know why Ajay makes that strange personal maybe somewhat ‘unloving’ 😉 comment. But I might be inviting the same with my response here as well but anyway here goes…

    One can view UG’s views on this as…

    Q: Human relationships have become a kind of commercial exchange – in the sense of “If you give me something, I will give you something”. Could we go into that a bit?

    UG: Yes. That’s a fact. We do not want to accept it because it destroys the myth that human relationships are something marvelous or extraordinary. We are not honest, decorous and decent enough to admit that all relationships are built on the foundation of “What do I get out of this relationship?”. It is nothing but mutual gratification. If that is absent, no relationship is possible. You keep the relationship going for social reasons, or for reasons of children, property, and security. All this is part and parcel of the relationship business. But when it fails and does not give us what we really want, we superimpose on it what we call “love”.

    The value system demands that relationships be based on love. But the most important element is security and then possessiveness. You want to possess the other individual. When your hold on the other becomes weaker for various reasons, your relationship wears out. You cannot maintain this “lovey-dovey” relationship all the time.

    The relationship between a man and a woman is based on the images that the two create for themselves of each other. So, the actual relationship between the two individuals is a relationship between the two images. But your image keeps changing, and so does the other person’s. To keep the image constant is just not possible. So, when everything else fails, we use this final, last card in the pack, “love”, with all the marvelous and romantic ideations around it.

    You may think that I am a very crude man, but if anybody talks to me about love, to me it is a `four-letter word’. …

    And I too tend to agree with Madhavan. Nobody ever knows whether after all the twists and turns and heroism of a story, whether the couple really ‘live happily ever after’. Because as UG has highlighted, time tests love. True love is completely unconditional, and can come from a really pure heart (One of Lord Shiva’s names Bholenath indicates Innocence) This innocent pure heart is something we can only work towards, and is a long marvelously magical personal journey for each one (which tragically most people pass their entire lives without even beginning to undertake!)

    I myself have gone beyond the caste barrier and married a girl who happens to be of a different caste. But I think it doesn’t really matter, she might’ve as well have been from the same caste I still would’ve married her. Mine was an almost arranged marriage except arranger was a friend, and I had only a couple of conversations with the girl and then both our parents agreed so I don’t know what category my marriage belongs to 🙂

    I believe that what’s most important here is to be honest. Honest enough to commit to what one’s heart really and truly wants.

    If I could not love someone enough, then I would probably have used caste or my parents or anything else as an excuse to be too lazy to go through any hard work of going through obstacles to win her heart.

    But I think love has to be two way. If there is no reciprocation, then there is no point in being broken hearted or even worse becoming a persistent nag. (Just let him/her go with the belief that everything happens for the good!) There can’t be any expectations or posessiveness, love means absolute freedom.

    Romantic kind of love is only temporary, and it may be a good start. True love has to be sustained over the years – even during difficult trying moments. It demands lot of commitment and energy, a lot of patience, creativity, introspection and out of the box thinking. But in turn, it sculpts our character to become better human beings, and the whole process is real fun and joy! One’s family is a ‘practice ground’ where true love can be practiced, and then implemented as one interacts with the whole world 🙂

    Let me share with you an open secret. Ultimately, there’s only Divinity. We all seem to be different individuals, but really there is no separation between all of us, it only seems so because of our ignorance. Purpose of marriage I believe is to love this Divinity in another person. Luckiest is one who encounters such a person who helps one see the Divinity within oneself. And by my own experience, I’d say this makes every day ordinary journey of life heavenly 🙂

  9. praneshachar Says:

    comments of both madhavan and ajay are really great. madhavan spoke of the love between two attracted boy and girl where as ajay brought out love is only limited to the way people talk about it. love is univesal and true to the core. but love at first sight or at young age where most of the boys and girls dont understand life it is purely an attraction and not real. very few are exceptions. love yourparents love your neighbours love your colleagues, love your enemies too that is what our forefathers have taught. as arranged marriages fail so also so called love marriages. what is the purpose of love marriage both should understand each other and make life happier and give and take should be there if each one sits on their point of view which happens in many cases it is not true love so many will break so it is not real it is artificial and attraction of age and falling to body attractions. if u wait if you sacrifice if you understand the problem of others that is true love. love is blind means not the blind what is commonly understookd according to me it is the capability to close your thinking and step into the others shoes and appreciate the concern of the other side and help them to comeout of their problem or u find a solution for them it is great.
    love is blind in common parlance where you are attracted to each other mostly in your adolosense and fall in without really going through the needs of other person.
    love is true love is for ever and love remains for ever love is not only the essence of life but is part of it

  10. Madhavan Says:

    Ajay Sir, Ok I was talking about man-woman love and not parental love, but then even in the case of parental love, I still have the same thing to say – it is not “true” in the truest sense.

    Parents do that because of an innate sense of duty – an instinct that even many animals possess – so that the wheel of life keeps running. Love is just a side effect.

    All arranged marriages dont work out, perhaps because these days parents are not very thoughtful in choosing a “compatible” spouse for their son or daughter or perhaps in general, men and women are getting more and more impertinent with each other… That said, my impression is if arranged marriages do not work out these days, then the plight of love marriages should be even worse!

    Love is but a singular waste of time, energy, resources, besides causing loss of focus and self confidence(in case of failures) and may be a reason why our youth is not able to bootstrap itself and make a name for India in this electronic era. (whatever we are doing in IT is actually because of our good fortune, not our enterpreunership)

  11. Sanjay M Says:

    To answer whether (romantic) love is really blind? I think it translates to the question – is the love really honest?

    If its not really honest, then one can be blind to one’s own true feelings, and this is the path to, as Madhavan has eloquently put it – ‘singular waste of time, energy and resources… etc’ all parcelled with a lot of misery.

    But if love is honest, then one can be blind to superficial things like caste, nationality, physical appearances and so on – and strengthen it and spread it in all aspects of one’s life – this is a path to happiness.

    Love is portrayed in an excellent way in the movie Jab We Met.

  12. Sanjay M Says:

    I feel Praneshachar has put it wonderfully succinctly when he says

    If you understand the problem of others that is true love

    Even making an attempt to understand, takes patience and the ability to listen.

  13. rk Says:

    ivanArava ivanArava ivanAravaneMdu enisadirayya.
    iva nammava iva nammava, iva nammavaneMdu enisayya.
    kUDala saMgamadEvA nimma maneya maganeMdu enisayya.

    meaning: Don’t make (me) think, “Whose is this man ? Whose is this man ? Whose is this man ?” Make (me) think, “This is our man. This is our man. This is our man.” Oh the Deity of kUDala saMgama, make (me) think that “I am a son of Your house.”

    An enlightening post: The Irony of Caste by Sanjay Mysoremutt. (Don’t miss the comments.)

    Also read: A marriage beyond all the conservativisms and cultural barriers by Srikanth

  14. srik Says:

    Yes, Love is blind and a marriage a blinder!!

    Though I have not been a part of any of these two till now, I can comment as an outsider only. My experience of attending a Hindu marriage where the groom was a foreigner, opened me to the same debate, Is Caste necessary? Read it here:

    The fact that caste is irrelevant for today’s lifestyle profoundly states the levels of growth one has to touch today. Several Ashrams in Hindu society have been established to give Vedic knowledge to everyone, beond the boundaries of caste, as it was earlier. Now there are some schools which are considering religious teachings beyond the levels of caste.

    However, we have to grow more to be more equal, and Love all, of course blindy 😀

    If u consider the case I had blogged on, the couple, fell in love in a foreign culture, got married in a foreign culture, and are going to live as foreigners in their own land!! But that shouldnt deter the hope for life and this cultural embarrassment should not alter their purpose of life and love. In case that happens, the irony of caste would not peep in further. Food habits, do matter, to some extent!

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