I still remember

June 19, 2012

How much she cared for me
How much she loved me
How much she encouraged me
How much she teased me
I still remember.

The way she combed my hair
The way she applied powder to my face
The way she cooked my favourite dish
The way she held my hand while crossing the road
I still remember.

How much she took me everywhere
How much she sent me everywhere
How much she made me sing
How much she sang with me
I still remember.

The days we both went out to eat
The days we both sat in the balcony
The days we travelled in an autorickshaw
The days we both cried together
I still remember.

The way she prayed everyday
The way she popped pills everyday
The way she suffered silently everyday
The way she faced life boldly everyday
I still remember.

The excitement she showed when she saw an uninvited guest
The contentment she showed when she served others
The satisfaction she experienced after visiting a temple
The happiness she showed when someone remembered my father
I still remember.

The tears in her eyes
The smile on her face
The right palm covering her lips shyly
The soft voice
I still remember.

The generosity
The humility
The shyness
The broad-mindedness
I still remember.

The pain she underwent during the last three days of her life
The suffering she underwent during the last three days of her life
The agony she underwent during the last three days of her life
The loneliness she underwent during the last three days of her life
I still remember.
I still remember.
I still remember.

***

A post dedicated to my father

12 Responses to “I still remember”

  1. Shruthi Says:

    Bellur, kannalli neer banthu.

  2. mouna Says:

    tender words, rk! we can only imagine.


  3. The excitement she showed when she saw an uninvited guest

    yes RK, how her face used to light up whenever she opened the door and saw us at her doorstep! never a frown!

    The contentment she showed when she served others

    how can we forget her liberal servings with all love and affection and so much of ‘upachaara’!

    The satisfaction she experienced after visiting a temple

    yes, the assurance that she used to derive that HE is there to take care of all!

    The happiness she showed when someone remembered my father

    yes, we could see the fond remembrance and the pride in her eyes!

    I still remember.

    The tears in her eyes

    tough lady, not easily shakable. in fact, she would be the one to do ‘samaadhaana’ to us!

    The smile on her face

    with that sweet crinkle at the corner of her eyes!

    The right palm covering her lips shyly

    aah, she was shyness personified!

    The soft voice

    though so many raised their voice upon her, she has never raised her voice at anybody!

    I still remember.

    The generosity
    The humility
    The shyness
    The broad-mindedness

    yes, Maachi aunty, you were all the above!

    I still remember.

    The pain she underwent during the last three days of her life
    The suffering she underwent during the last three days of her life
    The agony she underwent during the last three days of her life

    i remember too!

    The loneliness she underwent during the last three days of her life

    raami, with shiva, narayana, krishna, shaaradamba, lakshmi, uma, suma and raami and so many others in her heart, she wouldn’t have felt lonely. she knew she had earned people’s love and affection and trust. she would have perhaps missed only seeing her dtr-in-law that would be.

    I too still remember.

    I too still remember.

    I too shall remember…………..

  4. Uma Suresh Says:

    Dear Bellur,
    I’m struggling to write as the tears are rolling down.It is beautifully written & you have covered every little detail about our dear amma. I miss her very much.
    love
    Uma

    • rk Says:

      dear uma,

      when i wrote these lines, i had tears in my eyes.

      the reason you and others here had tears while reading it shows your kind and soft-hearted nature. may be this is what we call ‘spandisuvudu’.

      saavira nadigalu seridarenu
      saagarake samanaaguvudenu
      shatakoti devaru harasidarenu
      ammana harakege samanaguvudenu?

      now it is 7 in the morning, june 22. 13 years ago, by this time, amma had left for ihaloka.

      we too are all in the queue. but we don’t know when we’ll get the ticket! but everybody WILL get a ticket.😉

  5. Radhika Says:

    Very touching. How come all moms in the world are the same. Remembered my mom who passed away 2 years ago.

  6. Sandhya Says:

    I lost my mother last month and this post made me cry. As Radhika has written, all the moms in the world seem to be the same – loving, selfless, motivating, generous, and smiling.

    • rk Says:

      sandhya, please accept my condolences.

      the protagonist in RK Narayan’s THE ENGLISH TEACHER says after losing his mother: Mother is a precious commodity. You will realise its worth only after losing it.

      how true!

      thanks for dropping by!


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